Could Y'all Do Me A Favour?

I don't feel that I am a depressed guy, but every day of my working life seems to start with a series of modest to mild disappointments. Firstofall, there is my asshole alarm clock, which blares at me to get out of my comfy bed and start the day. Then my carpool arrives to take me to my place of employment; this event is always met with a resigned sigh, often worse. And once at work, I feel mildly disappointed to come to the end of my Thermos of coffee, regardless of how badly my hands are shaking and how rapidly my heart is thumping.

To remedy the above, I propose that all of Nova Scotia rearrange their daily routine to start when I rise, that I be able to work from home, and that JustUs! install a coffee pipeline to run directly into my home (and while we're at it, maybe a carrot muffin pipeline too). Alternatively, if there were an alarm clock that could wake me with a gentle temple massage, that might be acceptable also. I'm not saying that these tweaks would keep me from complaining, but they would certainly address my most pressing pre-10:00 AM chi concerns.

Thanks for your help, world.