Step 1: have a child. Note that there are a few pre-requisite steps usually needed to achieve this, but for the sake of maintaining the relatively PG-nature of this blog, these steps shall remain unmentioned.
Step 2: wait 14-15 months for them to start walking with confidence.
Step 3: follow them as they circle your home relentlessly. Panic as they trip over everything in their path. Needlessly dive in attempts to protect their heads from the floor as they slip on everything from thin sheets of paper to individual strands of cat hair. Laugh at their clumsy enthusiasm. Chase them with stuffed animals (the feigned fear seems to keep them going and/or laughing hysterically), and bottles of milk/water in vain attempts to keep them fed and hydrated on their travels.
Step 4: Hydrate yourself. Repeat with Step 3 until either (i) you die or (ii) they lose interest.
Alternatively: get really really really drunk. The subsequent vomiting will harden up those abs, and most likely you won't be able to keep anything down but water and toast. Repeat weekly until (i) you die or (ii) desired results are obtained.
You're welcome!
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