Why I Hate The Detroit Red Wings

Hey - let's take a dozen of the best defensive forwards in the league, and put them all on the same team. Then throw in arguably the best defenseman in the world, and have them all act like robots. Look how effectively they clog up the neutral zone! See how they force turnovers! Watch as they repeatedly deny the opposition the middle of the ice! See them deflect every shot and every pass with their super keen Swedish robotic senses. Wow - can they ever play the system, I applaud their programmer coach.

Aargh. Last night I found myself so frustrated at this team that I was wishing for Chicago to wire a few "dump-ins" up at eye-level, or conversely, at ankle level. I wanted Byfuglien to enact my vengeance for subjecting me to such boring and systematically frustrating hockey. And I don't even really like Chicago, I just despise Detroit that much. Plus, Pittsburgh/Chicago would be an awesome final series.

I won't go so far as to wish a bus accident upon them, but may they all get mild food poisoning and explosive diarrhea. And may Osgood stub his toe really badly tomorrow morning.