Open Letter To Jeff

Hey neighbour. We live pretty close together you and I, and while you seem to be a pretty good guy there are some things about this arrangement that I find pretty trying (I'm sure you feel the same way). Now, I'm not talking about the usual suburban annoyances like the obligated polite small talk, or the ongoing property appearance pageant. Nor am I that upset that you routinely leave your porch light on until well after midnight (it shines right into our bedroom window). And I'd be quite the hypocrite to complain about the full-band racket from your kids' jamming in the basement most evenings...

No Jeff, the thing that really gets me, moreso than any of the above, is the way you whipper-snip. Good god is it annoying. You wear big goofy goggles over your regular glasses, which looks really silly BTW, and then, as you approach the foot-tall weeds and grass that divide our properties, you rev the engine like it were a black and orange electric Harley. And that is how you proceed to trim the rest of your un-mowable lawn. This constant revving, Jeff, it is completely unnecessary. For starters, it is probably hard on your machine. And second, each rev is startling, loud, abrasive to my ears. Please use a nice steady, constant speed - it will create a nice and relatively relaxing white noise that is not so hard on my head and poisonous to our polite relationship.

Please. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Muiseam

PS: j/k.