Regrets

Of my many many regrets in life - both big and small (mostly small) - my most recent is having eaten that gigantic cinnamon bun from the cafeteria. I think it was 90% sugar. It was about a pound-and-a-half of super-compressed baked good, within which was a dazzling layer of sugary diamond, which itself contained a solid core so dense that it collapsed into a black hole. So here I sit in misery, groaning at my desk, while the contents of my stomach slowly roll over the event horizon into another dimension. I think I'm going to vomit, then have a diabetic seizure, then possibly die. Know that it was not worth it.